Easy as Pie
The down and dirty about work/life balance
“Balance is a lie, but pie solves everything!”
Probably the single most despised goal I had starting out was the desire to create work/life balance. Treating life as a scale that must sit evenly at all times will always lead to disappointment. You will inevitably feel like you are half assing it or just going through the motions. No task will truly get your full attention and you will always feel you are neglecting the things on the other side of the scale.
Trying to find that “balance” took a toll on me. The constant feeling of failure because I did not respond to that email, have dinner done promptly at 5PM, make the 100 cold calls I had goaled for myself, and make homemade cookies for the bake sale was ripping apart my self-esteem and eating away at my motivation. The self-talk was setting in:
- “You can’t do it all anyway so why are you even trying”
- “If you can’t give your clients 100% or better you are just failing them”
- “You can’t be successful until your babies are more self sufficient or in school”
- “Your husband will be more upset that the house isn’t clean than if you make one less sale/Your husband will be more upset that we don’t have the additional income right now than if the house is a wreck”
(These two tend to team up against me at the same time and make for a fun internal battle. Good times!)
- “You are too green in this industry. If you don’t have the time to learn more how are you ever going to succeed?”
It was in a moment of utter embarrassment that my son’s preschool teacher unknowingly put it all in perspective for me. I had always had ambitions of being the perfect Pinterest mom but with the Thanksgiving party falling on the same week as a closing and my little guy’s 3 month sleep regression, I just didn’t have it in me the make the pumpkin pie from scratch. I seriously considered getting a pie from the bakery and putting it in a dish from home. The idea went as far as putting it in the oven right before school to give the impression that I was up before dawn being the “good mom”. Anything to keep up appearances. I mean isn’t that what it’s all about. The 3 year old’s don’t care where the pie is from as long as they get to put the whipped cream topping on themselves. Being the perfect Pinterest Mom is about impressing the other parents and proving something to yourself.
Well a blowup on my deal the day before the party made getting the pie from the local bakery slip my mind and I was stuck with running into Jewel and getting one from the bakery department. I didn’t have time to place it in a pie dish or warm it the oven that morning. I took it to school and apologized over and over about what a slacker I was. Hearing me apologize to the other parents, my son’s teacher asked me what was wrong with the pie I brought.
“I ran out of time to make the pie and had to run to the grocery store and get this one. Again, I’m sorry”
“Oh Aunt Jewel’s recipe is our favorite. Can’t wait to cut into it!”
That simple acceptance of what I saw as a major screw up and lack of balance washed away all of the guilt and embarrassment I was feeling. In two sentences I realized that my son will not remember that I did not bring a homemade pie to his preschool Thanksgiving party. He would never know that the reason why was work related. What he will remember, and what I am grateful, for is being at that party with him.
With the perspective shift I formed a new system. All events, appointments, projects, and tasks are given a priority. I look at how all things will fit into my life to create 100% of the pie rather than which side of the scale.
Every month I look at the calendar to see what we have going on. If something is on the calendar a month or more in advance chances are it is pretty important and should take priority. This tends to be where your doctors appointments, monthly sales meetings, vacations, school events lands. Anything that is not important I clean out then.
Example: The Bath & Body Works candle sale tends to be the same week every year. I mark it in my calendar because I know from experience that if I am not up well before the sun on the east coast, all of my favorite scents will be sold out. This is not a mandatory event in my life but the joy that getting a candle for under $10 a piece is rewarding to me. There have been years where I have seen this event coming up in my calendar and knew I needed to replenish and also needed gifts for others so I would clear my schedule, get up early, and find a sitter to ensure I had the time to wait in the only line in the mall or on-line. This year I did not see the value in partaking in the sale, so I scratched it off the calendar and freed up a day for other things.
This example may seem trivial but if those trivial things bring us joy, put them in the schedule!
Weekly I will look at the schedule to hone in on how I will accomplish everything that week. I will look at what is already scheduled and make sure logistically it is realistic to accomplish them. I will add in tasks off my to-do list where I can. I will add in tasks off my wants list as well (Mani/pedi, lunch with a friend). I may still scratch off things that were recently added to the schedule that will fit in better next week (actually write them into next week) or that are no longer necessary. I will look at the week as a whole and decided what can be accomplished with kids in tow or when it would be beneficial to try to round up a sitter.
Every morning I look at my planner to see how the day will play out. I make a daily to-do list and tackle it one by one. It’s pretty easy since my planner already has a clear vision of priority and time frames mapped out. Seeing what needs done clearly in front of me makes fulfill 100% of my pie less daunting. I will see the progress and know things that need all of my attention at that moment are getting it while things that can wait will.
Now, spur of the moment things will come up. A diaper blowout, or phone call you weren’t expecting, or a note home from school that we need 4 dozen cookies by Friday; and that is okay! When something comes up that is not on the agenda stop what you are doing and take a few seconds to ask yourself, does this need to be addressed now, soon, or sometime? We tend to want to put out the fire right away but not all fires are ever going to turn into big blazes if not smothered immediately. Sometimes they will even go out themselves if given time and no fuel.
Now: The diaper blowout is a for sure STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING and handle immediately. Then resume your task once handled.
Soon: The phone call you were not expecting is the hardest. You will feel the guilt of having to cut someone off. Whether it’s an old friend wanting to catch up or a colleague with a problem, hear out the reason for the call and make a quick assessment of when you can better field their call. This can be – “I’m in the middle of something. Can I give you a call back to chat in about an hour?” or “That’s a good question. I will try to find your answer and get back to you by the end of the day.) Voicemail is your friend and not all texts need immediate response.
Sometime: The note from school is something that you can stop and look in your calendar as to when it would be the best time to accomplish that task. (or go get them from good ol’ Aunt Jewel)
The point is to shift your perspective from a mess of things trying balance out on a scale (that can be thrown off at any moment with changes), to manageable tasks that will complete the pie. With the pie method, you will have 100% all the time. You can start with a clear outline and better handle the additions as they come. Balance is a lie, but pie solves everything!
